By Susanne Biro

Lately I have been thinking about what makes a leader in today’s world. After much contemplation, I propose that a leader today is someone who sparks in us a desire to help.

One is not a leader simply because of a title or responsibilities, nor is one a leader because of a vision for the future. What makes one a good leader is the ability to connect with others in a way that makes them want to help you.

An example for consideration:
I recently received an email from a new colleague at our Asian office. This colleague was in need of information she was hoping I could provide. However, before requesting the information, she must have first taken the time to learn about me, as her email began with a short, professional introduction, but then quickly turned personal. She congratulated me on the arrival of my first child (could there be a better way to get my attention and create in me a desire to help?) and then took a sentence or two to share her experience of motherhood, the ages of her children, and her best wishes for me and my new family.

To say that her email struck a cord is an understatement. I forwarded it onto another colleague who had a similar positive reaction. Together, we wondered if her approach was a result of culture. My experience is that Asian cultures have a stronger orientation to first establishing a relationship before turning to business, and we wished that more in North America understood the importance of doing so.

Although I had several other more pressing matters that morning, curiously I placed her request at the top of my list and responded immediately. Why?  Because I felt a connection – a very real, human connection to someone I had not yet met or even spoken to. It was as if this new colleague was an old friend, one that of course I would jettison to the front of my to-do list!

Given the personal tone of her email, I was also sure I would get a pleasant reception to my response, another reason I replied to her before replying to the many others on my list that day (others who, by the way, do not always respond so warmly). The result is that my Asian colleague obtained the information she needed quicker than others who might have made similar requests. She also established relationship equity with me so that in the future, should she need my assistance or support, I would be more inclined to help her over others.

Of course, merely asking another about their family when you could care less is inauthentic and, therefore, will only detract from any relationship you seek to create. Leading today is never as simple as just do this or don’t do that. It is about making a connection, and this requires us to actually consider the other person – who they are, how they like to work, and what they will most appreciate (i.e. what will make their day easier and/or better). It is about taking the time to attempt to understand the world of another, and, then, to operate more fully within it. Sometimes this means genuinely inquiring about another’s family, other times it means getting straight to business (so as not waste time when you know someone dislikes informal, social chit-chat).

Our ability to connect and create relationships triumphs many other factors when doing business. There is ample evidence to support the fact that people want to work with other people they like, sometimes selecting a likable person or company over one that actually has more qualifications or a superior product.  Of course, I am not asking you to believe me. Consider your own professional life and how you behave as a consumer. Do you find evidence of this?

The way I see it, leadership today is about working extraordinarily well with and through others. As our organizational landscapes change now more than ever, how we connect with others is paramount. Every interaction we have either contributes to a relationship or detracts from it. When what we do detracts, the result is fewer supporters - fewer people who are now willing to help us, advocate for us, and, ultimately, follow us and the initiatives we want and need them to support.

So, food for thought: how likeable are you? How much are the people you work most closely with willing to advocate on your behalf? When you reach out, how many seem eager to assist? These are questions to consider as today’s direct reports can quickly become tomorrow’s boss or client.

Recommended Reading:
•    Leadership and Self Deception
•    Unleashed! Expecting greatness and other secrets of coaching for exceptional performance
•    Cultural Intelligence: People skills for global business
•    Love is the Killer App: How to win business and influence friends
•    The Tipping Point: How little things can make a big difference

Susanne Biro is the Director of Coaching for Bluepoint Leadership Development.
She can be reached by email.