by Joan Peterson

“When no one is listening to me, I just turn my talk up,” my three year old daughter, Julianne, explained to me the other day. I chuckled but she insisted, “…but I do. I really do.” The more I thought about her statement, the more I realized that many leaders seem to believe that “turning their talk up” is the best strategy for being heard over the host of other voices and distractions in their organizations. This “talk” typically shows up as more emails, more meetings, more videos, more social networking, more newsletters, more web pages, more speeches…the list goes on. However, people are still not listening, no matter how high the volume is turned up. They are not interested in more information; they are interested in purpose and ideals. They are turning their ears toward anyone who will help them bring meaning to their work and help them see the path forward. Unfortunately, all too frequently, there is no one to be heard.

But this is not true of all leaders. There are some who make us sit up and listen. They may not have the loudest voice in the room, be the most articulate or entertaining, or be the most senior person, but we not only listen to them, we act on what they say. What’s different about their communication? As a leadership development facilitator, I’ve had the privilege of working with leaders from dozens of organizations and have observed that these leaders consistently do three things. They:

• create strong personal connections with others;
• paint a vibrant, compelling picture of the future;
• wrap this all up into a profound story.

Make a Personal Connection

The term “vulnerable leader” has gotten tons of space in the business press recently, specifically referring to the correlation with being vulnerable and forming better connections with people. As a woman in business, I’d been raised on the cheesy deodorant slogan “never let ‘em see you sweat.” To be seen as a leader, didn’t I need to show up as unwavering, strong and confident? How could I possibly build stronger relationships with those whom I lead by revealing a chink in my armor? I held this view until I saw that one of my colleagues, whom I admired tremendously, didn’t wear any armor. In fact, she talked openly about her own humanity, acknowledged that she wasn’t perfect, and admitted her mistakes. Ironically, her open fallibility didn’t weaken her leadership or her ability to gain trust throughout the organization – it seemed to expand her ability to connect with people at all levels.

According to the Brafman brothers in their book, The Magic of Instant Connections, we have such an innate response to vulnerability, that it can even be triggered by a machine:

“Harvard students who were asked by a computer to answer intimate questions—such as ‘What have you done in your life that you feel most guilty about?’—were understandably reluctant to share. Yet when the computer ‘self-disclosed,’ prefacing its questions with a ‘confession’ such as ‘There are times when this computer crashes for reasons that are not apparent to its user,’ students were significantly more forthcoming. It turns out that when we disclose our feelings, we send a message of trust to others, making it easier for them to relate to us more openly.”

The following quote by Laurie Attwood, struck me to the core: “A true leader does not cover her tracks. A true leader leaves a clear trail for others to follow, marking the pitfalls she encounters along the way so that others might avoid them.” What would it be like if we, as leaders, looked to expose our own pitfalls, our own vulnerabilities in service of others? I’m not suggesting that “we let it all hang out,” but rather that we share enough of ourselves to form the personal connections necessary for real communication to take place.

Paint a Compelling Picture of a Better Tomorrow

The word “visionary” and “leader” seem almost synonymous these days. Much has been written about the leader’s role in creating a vision for the organization. However, leaders can shout the most grand vision from the rooftops, but their words will fall on deaf ears unless the listeners can be convinced that a better future awaits them personally…and that they will have a starring role in this future. While leaders are talking about the organization’s future, listeners are trying to figure out their place in the picture. And until they figure out how their puzzle piece fits into the bigger picture, we won’t have their full attention.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “If you want to build a ship, don’t herd people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” How can I, as a leader, paint a picture of the future that has others longing for the proposed outcome? The next time you are talking about the future in your organization, ask yourself, “Have I painted a vivid, exciting image of the future?”, “Have I found a starring role for everyone?” and “How can I get others involved in building that better tomorrow?”

Become a Story Teller

We’ve come a long way from telling and re-telling great tales around campfires to following the Bachelor’s every emotional twist and turn…but we still love stories. People listen to stories. They listen not just because the stories are entertaining, but because we, as humans, are hardwired to do so. From the beginning of time, we have made sense of the world through stories passed down from generation to generation. Does it matter if leaders tell stories? Who has time to listen to them anyway? I believe that if we want to be heard, really heard, in organizations, telling a story trumps speaking from a loud speaker, being miked, or using a megaphone any day.

When you think about your organization, what makes it special? What stories illustrate what your organization stands for? Are there incredible customer service stories that need to be told? What leaders in your organization’s past have made great personal sacrifices for the success of others? When has your organization triumphed in the face of adversity? Profound stories exist within each organization – and every time they are told, they give the listener an opportunity connect at a deeper level with the organization and with the speaker.

I read about a company that, understanding the power of the organization’s story, collected, printed and distributed a volume of great stories that spoke to who they were as an organization. Their goal was to build a culture of more committed employees. From all visible levels, the impact of these written stories was negligible. What they later learned was that it wasn’t the story itself that had the impact but the actual telling of the story. By reading these fabulous stories, the reader was entertained but struggled to personally connect – they didn’t see the stories as real or authentic. On the other hand, when a leader told the very same stories, the listener was able to connect to that leader and to the organization.

The tagline for Smith magazine, an on-line storytelling magazine is, “Everyone has a story. What’s yours?” Every person, every team and every organization has countless stories, and it’s our role as leaders to not only tell and advance those stories, but to help others become a part of the growing epic. Through stories, leaders bring the organization to life for others. What stories exist within your organization that need to be told? How can you advance your team’s story? What personal story could you tell that would help others learn something important about you? How can you become a better story teller?

From the Mouths of Babes

Have you ever been to a playground on a beautiful Saturday afternoon? Little voices shrieking, screaming and laughing. When these little voices want to get heard in the chaos of a crowded jungle gym, they shriek, scream and laugh more loudly.

Twenty years from now, those little voices will be big voices in a boardroom. My hope is that instead of “turning up their talk”, their voices will be heard because they’ve made personal connections with others, they’ve painted a picture of a better tomorrow, and they’ve looked for opportunities to tell and advance their team’s and the organization’s story.

Joan Peterson is a Senior Facilitator at Bluepoint Leadership Development. She can be reached by email.

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