Leadership Coaching: Is It Heart Work?
The coaching wrap-up conversation over coffee quickly turned uncomfortable, at least for me. “You touched me,” said the client, “you really touched me.” With a quick “thank you” in return, I try to quickly change the topic to something much more benign. (My mind is racing…is the Super Bowl still fresh enough to provide a quick detour in the conversation?) He was not to be dissuaded. “You are not hearing me. You touched me here.” This time he pointed directly at the middle of his chest. “Right here!”
I have spent many years positioning leadership coaching as a practical and potent performance improvement process (and it clearly is that) while minimizing the more personal aspects of this work. After all, we are coaches, not counselors. And not just regular coaches for that matter. We are leadership coaches whose clients are primarily senior business managers. We use words like “partnership” and “challenges” not “intimacy” and “compassion.” We ask our clients to step up to a bigger game, not get in touch with their feelings. And now, standing right in front of me is the seasoned COO of a major manufacturing enterprise telling me that our coaching work has not only rekindled his passion for leadership, but for life itself. He continues, “I have made three commitments, and I am living these every day. First, I have committed myself to have a positive impact on the jobs, careers and lives of every single person in our organization, regardless of their position. Second, I have recommitted myself to be a real servant leader in my family. Third, I have committed to leave this planet a better place when my time is done.” And then he said the words to which I had no response: “My heart has been opened up to a whole new world.”
Coaches rarely teach. We mostly remind our clients of their talents, their passions, their aspirations and their potential. That day over coffee, my client reminded me of something I really have known all along – it is impossible to fully explore leadership potential without touching the heart along the way.
In this column I often provide a few insights or aphorisms for those readers who are interested in the leadership development field. This time I simply have some reminders for myself:
When I am coaching I need to remember that:
1. I cannot separate the leader from the person. The whole person is in the coaching relationship with me. (To the coach: Be accepting)
2. All leadership development is, in fact, personal development. The person being coached is the instrument of leadership, and the only way that development occurs is when the leader works on him or herself. (To the coach: Be human)
3. The most intense leadership development comes as a result of a deep personal commitment. (To the coach: Honor the heart!)
Gregg Thompson is President of Bluepoint Leadership Development. He can be reached by email
