by Joan Peterson

As a facilitator with a premier leadership firm, I have access to all the latest research on adult education and professional development. In our work in the leadership development arena, we are constantly in pursuit of how adults learn best. Overwhelmingly our research tells us that adults learn from both cognitive (thinking about concepts) and affective (feeling about experiences) sources. Workshops, coaching, lectures, reading and research are the classic sources for this learning. But we also learn a lot by simply watching others. Why? Because this is a rich source of both cognitive and affective learning. We are confronted with observable behavior (from which we create concepts and models) and are often personally affected by the experiences (learning by feeling). Over the years, I have come to see that the positive role models from whom we learn can be from any walk of life, any discipline and any age. I’ve discovered that many of the leadership lessons that I’ve learned weren’t from a course, or a book, or even an adult. Many of my leadership lessons learned were from a five-year-old child. Here are four of those lessons:

“Mommy, I made a new friend today,” I’ll often hear my daughter, Katie, say. I’ll usually then ask, “What’s your new friend’s name?” More often than not, she’ll tell me that she doesn’t know his or her name, but she’ll proceed to tell me that her friend has the same favorite color, or she liked her shirt, or he plays hockey. Lesson Learned: A leader builds relationships by taking a genuine interest in others and appreciating their uniqueness. A five-year-old doesn’t worry that they can’t remember someone’s name when they’ve made a more meaningful connection.
Leadership Questions: Do you intentionally set out to see the best in others? Or do you lead with the critical aspect of your nature?

When we were awaiting the birth of our second child, many people asked Katie whether she wanted a little brother or a little sister. Without exception, she answered that she wanted a little brother. When asked “Why?”, her response was a pretty matter of fact, “We already have a little girl…me.” Lesson Learned: A leader looks for ways to acknowledge and honor all of those around them.
Leadership Questions: Do you actively seek out diversity and find ways to honor and celebrate the unique traits and characteristics of people who are different from you? Who haven’t you acknowledged or honored recently? (Bonus lesson for Katie: Disappointment happens! We had a baby girl.)

At Katie’s pre-school graduation, the teacher asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She answered very softly, but with great pride, “A princess.” Her great expectation is to become a princess. To her, princesses live in Disney World, always wear beautiful dresses, and seem to be loved by handsome princes – so why not? She dresses the part, practices her royal wave and has make-believe princess parties – all in preparation for her great expectation. Lesson Learned: Leaders have a picture of a better tomorrow than today – an exciting and compelling future.
Leadership Questions: Do you still have an exciting, child-like dream, one that makes you blush a bit when you share it? What step can you take toward that dream today? (and btw…if you hear of any openings for some princess work, Katie would love to hear from you.)

Katie’s first day of kindergarten was the most harrowing of her young life – and for my not-so-young life. This fragile, shy and incredibly introverted child kissed me goodbye, gave me a look of despair that pierced my heart; then she bravely got in line to go into school. All I could see was the fear on her face. I instantly became the ferocious she-wolf. No one would hurt my child. No one would take her away to this place of horror. It took every ounce of discipline and self-control not to yank her right out of line and bring her home – plenty of other mothers home school, right? As the teachers came out and led this little girl inside, I still saw fear but I also saw her incredible determination. She was not going to quit. She was not going to let her fear hold her back from this new adventure. I cried after she went inside. Four hours later she came skipping out of school when I came to pick her up. Lesson Learned: Leaders face their fears head on; they don’t shy away from them.
Leadership Questions: What huge future scares the willies out of you? Are you moving toward or away from your fears?

Through these lessons and countless others, this five-year-old has inspired and enabled me to become a better version of myself…and I believe there is no better lesson (and no better teacher). And my great expectation is that I can somehow find a way to pay it forward.

Joan Peterson is a Senior Facilitator and Leadership Consultant at Bluepoint Leadership Development. She welcomes your comments via email.